it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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