You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
