Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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