I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
