My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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