i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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