I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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