do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
