So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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