I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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