Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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