I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
