Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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