Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
