a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Porn is love you can see.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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