Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so let's talk penis.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
