This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Im part way to drunk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
