Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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