if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
