You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
