I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
