Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
