You just made me feel so damn special
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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