he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
