Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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