i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
