Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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