Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
