and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
