I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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