Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
