Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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