Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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