Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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