I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
