it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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