I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
