somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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