Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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