The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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