Will you blow on my dice?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
