my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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