i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
