he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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