Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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