no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
