I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
