Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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