it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
