in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
