Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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