How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
